Christmas It is a holiday that divides people into two distinct groups: those who love it and those who hate it. Those in the second group hate everything from Christmas carols to fairy lights. But most of all they hate having to meet in Christmas dinners with family, friends and colleagues. The truth is that even people who love Christmas can feel uncomfortable during such a celebration. Sometimes this is due to meeting people we don’t like, or having to answer questions that are repeated year after year and which, no matter how much time has passed, continue to be in bad taste.
People who ask these questions usually don’t do it in bad faith, that’s true. We may have even gone too far at some point. interrogation of family members. So this article on Christmas dinner tips is for everyone.
For those who love Christmas and those who hate it. For those who are usually asked questions, and for those who ask them. Psychology can help us prevent Christmas dinners from becoming a minefield. So the hatred of Christmas might be a little less intense. Although there are still other factors that fuel it.
Conversations to Avoid at Christmas Dinners
The first thing we need to keep in mind about Christmas dinners is that there are certain topics of conversation which is better to leave. IN Hypertext we talked about this with Julia Sebrian Abadclinical psychologist and behavior analyst from a gender perspective.
For starters, she remembers that discomfort What can generate certain topics of conversation at Christmas dinners is not simply a matter of tact. It also depends on what each person is like and their context. It is for this reason that topics to avoid They can vary greatly from one person to another.. “We cannot give any rules in this regard because everyone is entitled to their own comfortable and uncomfortable moments, and these can also change from moment to moment,” says the psychologist.
Despite this, in general, the professional recommends avoiding talking about values and socio-political positions. “These topics are very personal and can be sensitive if the person in front of us doesn’t share them, so they end up being confrontational.”
On the other hand, returning to more personal issues, Sebrian Abad recommends “leaving conversations on important topics for another more comfortable, safe and private moment.” For example, “maybe New Year’s dinner is not the time to talk about how your oppositional cousins are doing, ask your sister if she’s already decided to change jobs, or suggest to your friend that she should dump her boyfriend friend.” They are best avoided because “these are topics that may require a person’s time, intimacy and space to express themselves freely.”
Leave others’ physiques alone
“Wow, looks like you’ve gained a little weight, huh?” “How thin I see you, you are very beautiful.”
Both comments could easily be made over Christmas dinner. It seems that the first is an assessment of bad taste, and the second is a compliment. But no. Both assessments should not be made at Christmas dinners or anywhere else. Body image does not match, mainly because we don’t know the circumstances behind these changes. For example, this thin, attractive person may have lost weight due to episodes of anxiety or depression. Sebrian Abad makes this very clear.
“Other people’s bodies are not discussed, even in terms of what they consider good. Firstly, because we do not know what role our comment plays. We can reward and encourage problem behavior with both praise and reproach. We don’t know what happened to a person to change their body, and therefore we don’t know what we are rewarding or punishing. Perhaps this thinner friend lost weight because she was very sad, and that fatter friend lost weight because she was recovering from her relationship with food. And secondly, because we have hundreds of other things to praise about the person in front of us. Commitment to appearance helps us to continue to focus and place great importance on appearance, as if it were the most important thing we have. We are so much more than our bodies and we will treat ourselves as such.”
Julia Sebrian Abad, psychologist
Despite all this, before you tell your friend how skinny she is, it might be better to tell her how proud you are that she has made some important changes in her life. Or how interesting their work is to you.
Avoid asking “when will you come with your partner?”
Comments about partners, children or any other social convention which is presumably touch At some point in life they are completely inappropriate.
“Such comments, whatever their intentions, are difficult, not to mention heavy and harsh,” says the psychologist. “Are they really curious questions or rather ways of pointing out that your current state is not Good?” “Those who make them should think about it.”
Without a doubt, these are questions that should not be asked. But let’s assume that this has already been done to us and we could not avoid it. What are we doing? “Any answer This is true,” the behavior analyst replies. “If you can laugh about it and get over it quickly, great, and if you need to and have the strength to stand up and say they’re not right for you and you want me to stop doing them, great too. ” To this he adds that, whenever possible, “the ideal option is to mark the border Hey, this question doesn’t make me happy.” Unfortunately, this is not always possible, so it is better to try to answer as best as possible and with the spirit that the moment allows us.
What if there’s someone at Christmas dinner you can’t stand?
Okay, maybe these aren’t the worst topics to talk about. It is even possible that no one will openly invade our privacy. But what happens if there is someone we can’t stand and who creates conflict where there is none?
This is quite common in Christmas dinners. And it can also be solved using psychology and as much tact as possible. Our psychologist makes two main recommendations. On the one side, identify which issues typically cause conflict with this person. Once discovered, they should be avoided as much as possible. On the other hand, it is recommended play with the seats at Christmas dinners, so that people who don’t like each other and get into an argument about a topic don’t have the opportunity to do so. This also includes ourselves and that person we can’t stand.
In any case, as with other topics mentioned above, Sebrian Abad notes that it is important learn to set limits. Don’t be ashamed to talk about what’s bothering us.
Mental health at Christmas dinners
At Christmas dinners there may be people who have depression and they took courage to come. Maybe someone who has faced grief. It may even be that everyone present is grieving for someone who is not sitting at the table for the first time.
These are topics that should be handled with due tact, both at Christmas dinners and in any other situation. According to the psychologist consulted for this article, the first thing we should take into account is “how close we are a person who feels bad.”
Two things can happen. “If we are trustworthy people, we can directly ask what we can do to make this moment as easy as possible for them.” It can be very varied. “They may need to avoid topics, go outside every now and then to get some fresh air, or just have a little physical contact as a companion.” Everything will depend on the person, which is why communication is so important.
Now, “if we’re just acquaintances, the general recommendation is not to bring it up in any way.” straight and sharp” We may want to know how this person is doing and how their process is going. However, “asking directly and bringing up the topic as it is can be awkward.” Sebrian Abad explains this with an example. “There is no need to ask, ‘How do you cope with depression?’ We may ask more general questions or questions that are indirectly related to this, for example: what plans did you have for this month? How are you doing with your embroidery classes? They are funny?!”
On the other hand, all of us at the table are wondering whether there are mental health problems or not, “that the environment as relaxed as possible” This means, for example, “making sure everyone has the opportunity to speak if they wish, being careful not to monopolize the conversation, determining whether a topic is uncomfortable for someone to stop it, or not talking about topics that are not everyone understands.” Visitors can continue so as not to waste the moment.”
The Case of the Duel
When we lose a loved one, attending Christmas dinners can be a real challenge. The first thing we should do, of course, is not to blame those who, for these reasons, decided not to come to dinner. But there are other issues to take into account, as explained Hypertext psycho-oncologist Miguel Mediavilla.
According to the specialist, the first thing we must do with these people is to provide them with our support. without judging them and always validating their emotions. “Show your willingness to be there for them from the very moment of planning, so that the grieving person knows that if they need to take a break, vent, walk away, or even walk away, they can count on you if they wish.”
On the other hand, it is important to avoid both overprotection How excess space. “Don’t disappear, don’t be afraid to ask him how he’s feeling,” recommends Mediavilla. “Be prepared as last-minute changes may occur and it is important that the grieving person is free to make these decisions at any time.” And something else very important: “Of course, leave the positive side and advice for another day, unless the mourner wants it.” In doing so, he addresses avoiding clichés such as “I know how you feel,” “Time heals everything,” “You have to be strong,” or “Have fun, do it for him/her.”
And grief is a personal process that depends on each person. We must accompany them on their path, but not tell them how they should go along that path.
Source: Hiper Textual
